


The Dread Purple Pirate

by Gemmi999



Category: Bandom, Jonas Brothers, The Academy Is...
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack, Crack Pairing, Fluff, M/M, Pirates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-31
Updated: 2011-12-31
Packaged: 2017-10-28 13:44:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/308469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gemmi999/pseuds/Gemmi999
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i> They’d all had ideas about what they wanted to do when they officially “retired” from the music business—Joe planned to try and make it as a producer; Nick had an entire solo career lined up.  Kevin?  Kevin bought a pirate ship.  </i></p><p><i>And then made Mike his first mate. </i></p>
            </blockquote>





	The Dread Purple Pirate

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the So Damn Skippy Christmas/Holiday exchange fest! Hope you enjoy it xsnarkasaurus!

They'd all had *ideas* about what they wanted to do when they ‘retired’ from the music business. Back office plans about taking over the world and maybe opening a record store, or producing, discussed half-seriously whenever the alcohol quit flowing and their knees hurt more then usual. It wasn't that they were old--being 25 wasn't old--it was more that they weren't new, the shine had worn off and all that was left was the plastic stretched across their faces and a smile decorating their faces that they were never sure how to turn off. But it was their *life* and they weren't looking to escape from it, so the plans were just half-dreams and buried memories, discussed when they were tired or bitchy or dead asleep on their feet. It was just--those times were coming a LOT more frequently now.

So one day, when Kevin disappears in the middle of the tour, and Joe doesn't quite *freak* out, because they've been doing this forever and Kevin's nothing if not dependable, those half dreams are the last thing Joe's thinking about when Kevin shows back up.

"I bought a pirate ship." Kevin announces to the green room, which basically means he announces it to Joe and Nick. Their parents had long since stopped touring with them, which Kevin actually appreciates. He’s a married man, after all--he can look after himself.

"A pirate ship." Joe chuckles.

"Aye aye, sir!" Kevin grins. "That way, when we're done with this? I can be the Dread Pirate Jonas! Most fearsome captain in the world!"

"Mike's going to love this," Nick scoffs before turning back to his crossword puzzle. Kevin nods to himself and doesn't say anything more about his adventures. They'll keep, for now.

~~

"Whatcha up to?" Nick looks at the maps spread in front of Kevin, nautical maps with X's and aged lines, and possibly a few coffee spills if he's reading the top one right.

"Plotting my first treasure hunt! Look--I think if I start over here--" and Kevin points to an island that Nick thinks looks a little like Mickey Mouse's head, "and then continue over here through the Dread Seas...I should be able to make the trip in a few hours!"

Nick hmms to himself and shakes his head. At least Kevin was entertaining himself.

~~

"Ohhh, that's the perfect hat!" Kevin points to a window across the street and Joe has to squint to see it (he really needs to look into getting glasses, apparently.)

"Um, it's purple." Joe begins.

"EXACTLY! I can be the PURPLE PIRATE!" Kevin's bouncing on his toes. At least, Joe consoles himself, Kevin looks both ways before dashing across the street.

~~

Mike’s used to Kevin’s flights of fancy. He’s been through the ‘gardening’ phase, and the ‘ballroom dancing’ phase, and he doesn’t even like to think about the ‘celibacy’ phase that he thankfully talked Kevin out of (all it had taken was a civil union and the promise that they’d get married legally as soon as the government got off its ass and made it legal in Jersey or Illinois--either one, Mike wasn’t particularly picky). So when Kevin called, asking what he thought about sailing, Mike had basically chalked it up to being another ‘phase’ and answered honestly--he enjoyed it, but wasn’t sure how much that mattered because Chicago was mostly landlocked (aside from the great lakes) and even they weren’t the best for ‘high sea adventures’ as Kevin called it.

Kevin had laughed a little, and then asked if Mike would be able to travel for a few months, after the newest Jonas Regeneration tour was over.

He should have put it together, but he hadn’t. The sailing question had been random enough to be deemed ‘not important’ and traveling--well--Kevin liked to travel most of the time, and Mike like traveling with Kevin because of things like room service, jacuzzi tubs, and spa days. He’d never appreciated his nails until he met Kevin, but now he did (and he had the bi-monthly manicures to prove it).

Then, when Joe started texting him pictures of pirate ships, and pirate flags, and pirate video games; and Nick started calling him and telling really, truly, awful pirate jokes (What kind of socks do pirate’s wear? Arrrrr-gle!) Mike began to realize that maybe, possibly, Kevin had more then a new sailing phase.

So, Mike does what any good husband would do--called Pete Wentz and begged for advice on how to handle his husband’s apparent new Pirate obsession.

Pete’s response? The blue-ray box set of all four Pirate of the Caribbean movies, along with a signed poster from Johnny Depp. Mike fucking hated his friends sometimes.

~~

By the time the Jonas Regeneration tour is over, Mike has almost worked himself into a pirate induced panic. He’s talked with Kevin a few times and casually mentioned sailing, but Kevin hadn’t really risen to the bait. He’s watched the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, read and re-read the entire Wikipedia article, bit torrented four different versions of Peter Pan (Hook is by far his favorite, but he does have a certain appreciation for Mary Martin’s Peter Pan as well--he blames that one on hanging out with Panic! at the Disco and their gender non-conforming ways). He even has box of Dramamine, just in case he doesn’t do as well sailing as he thinks he will.

Mike is a GGG husband, and even if this isn’t what Dan Savage had in mind for ‘good, giving, game’ he thinks it probably applies. Then again, maybe it doesn’t. Bill had mentioned that Mike shouldn’t take all of his life advice from a sex columnist, even if that sex columnist had done something truly monumental with redefining Santorum. Bill doesn’t have Kevin as a husband though; he hasn’t helped Kevin through different obsessions--hasn’t watched and rewatched all fo the High School Musical movies because Kevin thought there was a possibility that Nick and Joe wanted to replace him with Zach Efron (even pointing out that Zach wasn’t related and they’d have to change the name of the band hadn’t helped--Kevin then spent an entire evening trying to figure out if Nick and Joe could adopt him, or if they’d have to get the parents involved).

Still, Mike is as prepared as he thinks he can be. Which is why he stares at Kevin in shock when he walks into their condo wearing a Purple Pirate hat and an outfit that Johnny Depp would have deemed too gay to wear for the Pirate movies. Mike blinks a few times but the image doesn’t change.

Kevin really is standing in front of him, wearing what has to be the most flamboyant pirate costume ever designed. “Hey,” Kevin smiles. “I have a surprise.”

“I heard,” Mike forces himself to not react to the outfit. Instead, he smiles because he really is happy his husband’s home, even if it does mean that their life is about to take a rather--unusual--spin.

“You heard? Which of them told you about my pirate ship?” Kevin whines.

Mike does a double take. “Wait--whaaaa? Joe and Nick just hinted that you might have a slight, um, fixation on pirates. They said NOTHING about a pirate ship!”

“Surprise!” Kevin exclaims. “I got this really cool pirate ship in North Carolina, it’s historic.”

Mike sits down on their couch. “Okay...”

“I thought I might have it shipped here?” Kevin almost questions. Mike isn’t used to Kevin sounds so unsure of himself.

He takes a deep breath. “Why do you want to ship a pirate ship to Chicago, of all places? We’re kind of landlocked, a little...”

Kevin smiles. “I know! It’s just--first I thought the two of us could sail around on, be a fearsome Pirate duo! But then Nick pointed out how it’s actually historic and probably doesn’t sail that well anymore. But Joe mentioned how he’s never seen a pirate themed amusement park...”

“And you realized you want to build on?” Mike smiles at his husband. “Sounds like quite an undertaking.”

Kevin nods, slowly. “But we could call it Purple Pirate Land...and have rides and toys and maybe even a Haunted Pirate Ship!”

Mike smiles to himself because he can see Kevin actually pulling it off. He has enough connections thanks to Jonas and Disney, and as ridiculous as a Purple Pirate themed amusement park sounds--it also sounds kind of fun.

“You know,” Mike says casually, reaching out and pulling his husband into his lap. “This sounds like a project that Pete would be interested in. And maybe Brendon...”

Kevin’s smile is enough of an answer for Mike. Mike feels his heart warm (just a little) and leans in to kiss his husband.

“Just think--” Kevin says a few minutes later. “If I’m the Dreaded Purple Pirate--you could be my first mate!”

Mike groans a little, because he just got done with all the pirate jokes, and he can only imagine the number of first mate jokes all of his friends can imagine. Then he looks at his husband and nods. “Sounds like the perfect job for me.”

And really, it does. First mate to the Dread Purple Pirate. Hmmm, if Pete got involved, maybe they’d set sail on the Clandestine Seas...


End file.
